Potty Training Defiant Children
Before assuming that your child is being defiant by refusing to use the toilet like you want, make sure he knows what is expected of him. Sometimes when potty training is started before a child is able to fully control his body, mistakes can happen that the child simply cannot control.
However, if you are dealing with an older child who knows what is expected and has demonstrated that he can control his bodily functions, you need to get to the root of the problem right away.
Are you experiencing trouble in your relationship? Is your child feeling pressure or fear form an external source. The fears don't have to be logical to be very real to your child and have real effects on your child's behavior.
Try to work with your child to find out what is keeping him from feeling safe, secure and happy. Resist the temptation to punish your child for potty training mistakes. Instead work to build his trust and show him love.
Show him you can work together to find a solution to your problem. Get him involved with cleaning up the mistakes but not in a punitive way. Show him cooperation.
Work to calm his fears instead of creating new ones.